How to Make an Awkward First Date (feat. Punch-Drunk Love)

Having a good first date isn't always a piece of cake, but creating a chaotic and memorably awful first date takes planning. In Punch-Drunk Love, the first date between Barry and Lena falls apart gradually, even after a few moments where it looks like these two might genuinely click.

The audience is primed to want the date to go well, mostly out of genre savvy about romantic comedies stacking the deck in favor of wanting to see two crazy kids make it work. There's also the fear of what the audience might vicariously feel if things go not just bad, but uncomfortably bad. This sequence is structured to nudge the audience closer and closer to an uncomfortable cliff before suddenly ripping the cliff out from under them.

Watch how it unfolds...

Let's point out the highlights that make this scene vicariously embarrassing for the audience:

• Lena's confession that it wasn't a coincidence that they met, and she hoped to meet Barry when she dropped off her car puts Barry on the bad foot. Lena's suggestion that she doesn't "want to get too far along going out and be hiding something," indicates she's already considering that further dates might be on the table. Barry seems more unsettled by this than flattered. Which causes a pivot to...
• The Morning DJ story. This is a very long walk for a ham sandwich. It's an attempt at distancing. Lena offers a revealing confession, so he retreats and recites a half-remembered sort-of funny caller from a radio show. Lena laughs along, but then we get Barry ending on the note "I laugh and laugh. Even when I'm alone." It's revealing in a painful way, showing a desire for human connection that's totally absent.
• Lena asks about the pudding in Barry's warehouse, which seems like something to make Barry withdraw further. It takes Lena a few more probing questions, but this actually prompts him to let Lena in on the secret. This reluctance makes it seem like she's getting stonewalled, but finally after joking about it being "secret pudding" she gives him permission to let his guard down.
• His explanation of the Healthy Choice frequent flier miles promotion and how he plans to use a loophole to his benefit is played like a character planning a heist. The intensity of his focus and the specificity of the plan draw Lena in. This is a moment that could make the date more uncomfortable, but instead Lena's reaction suggestions she finds it fascinating how he put all these pieces together.
• Lena tells a story about Barry she heard from one of Barry's sisters. About him throwing a hammer through a sliding glass door. Not only does this put Barry into a strong defensive posture (calling his sister a liar and retreating to the bathroom), but it also makes the audience question "Why was this story so funny to Lena? Why does she want to bring it up?"
• Barry beats up the bathroom. This one moment upends audience expectations more than anything else. In picturing what an uncomfortable first date would look or sound like, there are expectations revolving around what we might see and hear. The intensity of Barry breaking down a stall door, trying to rip a soap dispenser off the wall, and the screaming chaos of him flinging his anger around in a small space derails those expectations.
• The sudden jump cut to Barry sliding back in to the table. The audience doesn't get a moment of de-escalation or relief after all that rage comes out. Barry is still moving quickly and out of breath when he returns to Lena.
• Barry tries to get things back on track asking about the waiter, but he's interrupted by a man asking for him to get back up and have a conversation. Barry isn't being allowed to get back into the flow of the prior conversation.
• "Sir, the bathroom was just torn apart." The restaurant manager asks him point blank if he's responsible for the destruction of the bathroom (because actions have consequences). Barry offers a series of denials and lies to try and get out of the conversation, but since the audience saw what happened, this only builds a sense that things are only going to get worse for this date.
• Barry is told to leave, or else. It's usually not a good sign for a date to end by getting kicked out of the restaurant.
• Barry and Lena walk out together without saying much of anything. There's a tension to this moment as they look miss eye contact with each other a few times, look like maybe they're going to hold hands, but don't, and while they get back in the car together, this moment lacks a comfortable resolution.

What kind of takeaways do we get if we're looking to write our own cringe-worthy date scenes?

• Don't get caught up in what's expected - There are only the bare, necessary elements of a dinner date here with small talk at a restaurant table. There's no waiter interactions, food, or time spent on any of the other basic moments involved in the act of going on a date.
• Even small talk is specific - Nothing that Barry and Lena talk about feels generic. When Barry gropes for a conversational topic, he comes up with a very specific story from the Morning DJ show he listens to. Lena brings up details about the picture frame and the hammer story. There's no space here for boiler plate date questions.
• Let the train wobble before it derails - Look back at how many awkward moments it took to prime Barry for his retreat to the bathroom. It wasn't a sudden burst of fight or flight anxiety, but a rubber band being pulled tighter and tighter by Lena without her knowing it.